The Great Edzant Christmas Caper

The scene: Christmas day at the Edzant Residence just outside of Los Angeles, California. Approximately 4 pm. Presents have all been opened; wrapping paper and ribbon is strewn across the living room floor. Everyone is settling down for a few minutes rest before moving into the other room for dessert.

The characters: The Edzant Family

Barry, the head of the main household, alias Dad, sitting at the dining room table

Patti, Barry’s wife, alias Mom, curled up on the carpet with the furriest animal you will ever see

Brinkley, the aforementioned furry animal, 15 month of golden retriever, just consumed an entire ball of wrapping paper

Kevin, Barry’s son, 22, resident sarcasm king, sitting on the couch opening up his new headphones

Jenna, Barry’s daughter and the writer of this mystery, 20, also sitting on the couch, plotting her escape to another room of the house after playing Elf and disseminating Christmas gifts for the last two hours, in need of a nap

Pamela, the aunt, alias Auntie Pam, sitting around the coffee table

Linda, the grandmother, additional near the coffee table

The mystery: found in the bathroom, a slightly damp snowman patterned hand towel left over an open flame from the scented candle next to the sink, the toilet seat raised and covered in soot

The case: Jenna was exonerated from committing the act because it was corroborated that she never left the living room during the afternoon until she went to the bathroom and discovered the towel over the fire. She naturally assumed it had been her brother Kevin because he had been the last one to use the bathroom, but upon initiating her typically sarcastic response, she remember that Kevin could not possibly have tossed the towel over the candle because he doesn’t wash his hands after using the bathroom. Therefore the two children of the family were ruled out as suspects. Patti was never considered as a serious suspect. Not only had she also been in the room for the entirety of Christmas present unwrapping, but it was also simply a widely known fact that Patti doesn’t toss towels around and just wouldn’t have done something like what the mystery entailed. Barry spent the next few hours mildly interrogating the remaining family members trying to get to the bottom of the situation, suggesting that he was not the culprit either.

The remaining questions: Who was the party responsible for nearly setting the towel on fire? Why did the towel not actually catch on fire? (Though that part is assumed as solved by Patti’s suggestion that the towel was flame retardant.) Why was the toilet seat covered in soot? Why doesn’t Kevin wash his hands after using the restroom? Only three suspects remain under consideration–the dog, the aunt, and the grandmother. But no motive, no further evidence, no confession, no conviction, and thus all we are left with is the open case of

THE GREAT EDZANT CHRISTMAS CAPER OF 2011

Anyone with information about this crime is invited to come forward as soon as possible. Nature and amount of reward to be given is dependent on the usefulness of information and how much Jenna likes you.

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